Monday Funny: Shooting Spree Edition

Never fear, there'll be plenty of comedy surrounding Dick "Dick" Cheney's potshot at a major GOP fundraiser this weekend. And it'll be made all the worse by the apparent decision to try and prevent the story from ever reaching the public. Why not dive right in and pass on this not-bad list (with slight editorial edits to make it less blatantly Lettermanesque):

Vice President Dick Cheney’s top 10 excuses for shooting fellow hunter Harry Whittington on Saturday:

10. Sick and tired of Whittington’s “Hey, I’m having a heart attack” jokes

9. Pushed over edge by Dixie Chicks and Streisand blasting on pick-up truck stereo

8. Ongoing dispute over whether it’s acceptable to torture quail before shooting them

7. Thought he saw Michael Moore on other side of tree line

6. Bombed out of his gourd on Wild Turkey and Lone Star Beer

5. Companion’s ill-advised decision to wear Moveon.org sweatshirt

4. Was trying to impress Jodie Foster

3. Whittington’s repeated ribbing that Bush is actually the “real president”

2. Targeting scope on rifle made by Halliburton

1. Because he’s a wartime vice president, damn it

Frankly, I'm looking forward to Cheney spending the rest of his unnatural life being greeted with the phrase "Shot anybody lately?"