The Daily Sandwich

"We have to learn the lesson that intellectual honesty is fundamental for everything we cherish." -Sir Karl Popper

Location: Boston, Massachusetts, United States


Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Reactionary Journalism 101-- Final Exam Today!

All right, class, the final consists of one problem. Here goes, for all the marbles.

Edit the following headline to make it appropriate for publication in a conservative venue (print or online):

Democratic Politician: "I'd love to see more child pornography arrests."

You have until the end of this post to complete the exam. Good luck!

Technical difficulties kept me from posting yesterday (it's been happening off and on for a month or so now), but hopefully that will be over with soon. The reactionary press never sleeps, however, and Salon's War Room posted a couple of the latest examples of Clinton abuse-- and a few other bystanders for good measure-- that could only be made possible through the miracle of reality distortion.

The Drudge Report: Did Michelle Obama "slam" Hillary Clinton? That's the question Matt Drudge is asking in large type right now. The problem for Drudge and others hoping that they've got another Elizabeth Edwards situation on their hands? The answer is pretty obviously no.

In a story in the Chicago Sun-Times today, Barack Obama's wife is quoted as saying, "If you can't run your own house, you can't run the White House."

The Sun-Times says the line "could be interpreted as a swipe at the Clintons," but that's only if you ignore the fact that Michelle Obama is clearly talking about her own family life, not anyone else's.

The Washington Times: The Washington Times checks in this morning with a headline that reads, "Democrats See 'Results' in Iraq." The story bundles Levin's comments with similar ones Illinois Sen. Dick Durbin made recently and with a speech New York Sen. Hillary Clinton made before the Veterans of Foreign Wars Monday. In the speech, Clinton said: "We've begun to change tactics in Iraq, and in some areas, particularly in Al Anbar province, it's working." How the Washington Times uses that sentence: "'It's working,' Mrs. Clinton said of the troop surge."

Crayons down, everyone. The correct answer is this: Democrat Pol Would 'Love To See More Child Pornography.' Note that failure to replace the word democratic with the improper Democrat is considered a violation of ideological purity and is in itself grounds for a failing grade. If your answer was incorrect, please see me during my office hours to present your argument for the case that you are actually the only sane respondent, the only correct respondent, and/or the only individual worthy of full credit by merit of your genetic superiority, parents' wealth and status, or ability to warp reality in the minds of yourself and gullible interlocutors.