The Daily Sandwich

"We have to learn the lesson that intellectual honesty is fundamental for everything we cherish." -Sir Karl Popper

Location: Boston, Massachusetts, United States


Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Pat Robertson to join Fantastic Four

Mr. Fantastic, Invisible Woman, Human Torch, allow me to introduce.... the Incredible Horse's Ass! Not only does he possibly possess alleged superhuman strength maybe, but he can empty a senior citizen's pocketbook in a split second! As a testament to my sanity, allow me to point out that I thought this was a joke when I first saw it.

From Robertson's site:

Pat Robertson's Age-Defying Shake

Did you know that Pat Robertson can leg-press 2000 pounds! How does he do it?

Where does Pat find the time and energy to host a daily, national TV show, head a world-wide ministry, develop visionary scholars, while traveling the globe as a statesman?

One of Pat's secrets to keeping his energy high and his vitality soaring is his age-defying protein shake. Pat developed a delicious, refreshing shake, filled with energy-producing nutrients.

(Did you know the EMPHASIS and PUNCTUATION is THEIRS!)

As a helpful sports writer points out:

That would mean a 76-year-old man broke the all-time Florida State University leg press record by 665 pounds over Dan Kendra. 665 pounds. Further, when he set the record, they had to modify the leg press machine to fit 1,335 pounds of weight. Plus, Kendra's capillaries in his eyes burst. Burst. Where in the world did Robertson even find a machine that could hold 2,000 pounds at one time?

Oh, and you can order the Age-Defying Shake (!!!) on Pat's site, naturally. Hey, you don't get to call for the assassination of international rulers on your own cable show without raising a little scratch first. Be sure to get yours now before John McCain snaps them all up and becomes.... Super McHurricain!