I'd like to thank Jesus for making me CEO

"But despite what happened today, I am still a very blessed man. I have on my left this beautiful lady that's my wife, I have a very warm and loving and Christian family that supports me, a lot of loving friends-- some out there in the audience right now-- and most of all we believe that God, in fact, is in control, and that He indeed does work all things for good for those who love the Lord. And we love our Lord, and ultimately all of these things will work for good."

Those were the words of Ken Lay after being found guilty of six charges today, and I'm pretty sure he managed to outdo Randy Cunningham on the Christian martyr front.

Here's the thing. We've all heard countless quips about thespians and athletes praising God for that Golden Globe or that last minute catch, but we never seem to hear any wisecracks about pricks like Cunningham or Lay insisting that they're devotees of Jesus.

I'll even get the ball rolling by writing a classic Leno-style gag, pro bono. "So did you catch the news today? I see that Ken Lay was found guilty for his role in driving hundreds of Enron employees into bankruptcy. Then he claims that God is on his side. What's up with that?"

By the way-- audience? I have friends in the audience today? Just what sort of reality deficit disorder does Kenny Boy have? I think that statement is more of an insight into Lay's "piety" than his multiple appeals to divine justice. After all, the guy was in charge of a company where employees openly joked about emptying the bank accounts of elderly Californians. In fact, if you'd like a refresher course on just how corrupt and vile (not to mention un-Christian) the corporate culture of Enron was while these crimes were taking place, just have a look at this article from Salon.