Terror Alerts are back, and sillier than ever

The 'Miami Seven' story turned out to be significantly less than a terrorist plot. The New York 'tunnel bombing' plot was apparently hatched on an Internet chat room. And both times I recalled the endless, goofy warnings the administration handed down in the summer of 2004. There was talk of bombs strapped to cows, exploding pens and beach coolers, and a series of terror alert color changes that were later revealed to have been ordered by the White House with nothing to back them up. After the election, the warnings promptly vanished. Until now.

It reads like a tally of terrorist targets that a child might have written: Old MacDonald’s Petting Zoo, the Amish Country Popcorn factory, the Mule Day Parade, the Sweetwater Flea Market and an unspecified “Beach at End of a Street.”

But the inspector general of the Department of Homeland Security, in a report released Tuesday, found that the list was not child’s play: all these “unusual or out-of-place” sites “whose criticality is not readily apparent” are inexplicably included in the federal antiterrorism database.

The National Asset Database, as it is known, is so flawed, the inspector general found, that as of January, Indiana, with 8,591 potential terrorist targets, had 50 percent more listed sites than New York (5,687) and more than twice as many as California (3,212), ranking the state the most target-rich place in the nation.

The database is used by the Homeland Security Department to help divvy up the hundreds of millions of dollars in antiterrorism grants each year, including the program announced in May that cut money to New York City and Washington by 40 percent, while significantly increasing spending for cities including Louisville, Ky., and Omaha. (. . .)

In addition to the petting zoo, in Woodville, Ala., and the Mule Day Parade in Columbia, Tenn., the auditors questioned many entries, including “Nix’s Check Cashing,” “Mall at Sears,” “Ice Cream Parlor,” “Tackle Shop,” “Donut Shop,” “Anti-Cruelty Society” and “Bean Fest.”

Arkansas, Nebraska, Indiana, Kentucky. Sounds like somebody's trying to keep red staters nice and worried from now 'till November.