Matt Sandwich IS.... cranky blogger.

I'm not a reality TV fan. But I'll admit that it keeps getting worse. More exploitative. Wall-to-wall humiliation per minute. Pointy-headed liberal elitist that I am, the only reality shows I've watched are the ones that don't count. On PBS.

Anyway, Showtime started airing Kirstie Alley's new show this week.... Fat Actress. I came across a link that lets you watch the first episode. In all its glory. Think of it as a has-been's attempt to make a comeback through ironic self-deprecation (Pauly Shore recently made the same bid). She makes cracks about her desperation. The men in the show make cracks about how it's okay for men in Hollywood to be fat, but not women. You know-- it's "funny," but it's also serious social commentary. Especially the condescending remarks about black guys digging fat chicks. Sheesh.

Two things. First: it isn't reality TV. It's a carefully staged and scripted sitcom. A sitcom that isn't funny in the least. Second: the show spends the first few minutes committing Kirstie's enlarged boobs to film. In a flimsy negligee. Gotta keep the sex in, ya know.

Now that I've seen how bad this genre is for myself, I feel comfortable skipping the premiere of A&E's classy new entry, 'Intervention.'

See the show for yourself. You've been warned. ‘Fat Actress’ Pilot: Big Butts

In other unpleasant Hollywood news, Keanu Reeves continues to be the most inexplicable action hero in movie history (hey, Tom Laughlin produced his own movies) as he signs on to star in what will undoubtedly be a classy and classic homage to the swashbuckling pictures of yesteryear as.... Sinbad the Sailor. Groan.