Special Bulletin

My fellow citizens, clearly, the day is upon us when we must, regrettably, relinquish some of our cherished personal liberties in favor of peace, strength, and security. An enemy threatens the United States from within-- seeks to undermine the values we hold most dear simply because of their blind hatred of our freedom and liberty. This scourge of justice has infiltrated the highest levels of our government in a despicable attempt to wreak havoc that we simply cannot sit idly by and watch, though these instruments of darkness would throw our freedoms back in our face with contempt and derision, pleading for the free speech and tolerance that they would deny us at the first opportunity.

That is why I am signing into law, with the heaviest of hearts but the clearest of consciences, the Republican Internment Act of 2008.