McCain: Sellout 2008 Tour

The man who was lauded for his integrity in 2000, 'swiftboated' by Karl Rove during the GOP primaries, and subsequent persona non grata in his own party is stepping up his campaign for the White House in 2008. His strategy is clear-- he's already a media darling, so all he has to do is capitalize on his distance from the GOP's corruption problem while trying to convince the fundamentalists and hillfolk that he's one of them. They haven't been buying it so far, but he's also managed to piss off otherwise-friendly Dems by flushing his own reputation for being 'Mr. Straight Talk.'

Sadly, McCain hasn't learned a thing from the last two presidential elections. Gore and Kerry took a pounding for coming across as fake and insincere, while Bush managed to seem like Mr. Nice Guy. Since then, of course, he's become the least popular president in modern American history. Bush's handlers convinced him to act like who he is, an affable dipshit, and he won. Gore and Kerry's people convinced them to not act like the conscientious, policy-oriented thinkers they are, and they lost.

So here's how McCain is proving his credentials as a serious-minded man of the people:

1. Coming out in support of teaching creationism as science. This is the one issue that fundamentalists go nuts about that will never go anywhere. Because it's not only unconstitutional, but utterly moronic. Earth to McCain: it's the twenty-first century.

2. Trolling for the white supremacist vote. Kinda like black Maryland GOP Senate hopeful Michael Steele has to fabricate stories about his unpopularity among blacks to win the successful cracker vote, McCain has decided that he'd better kiss the collective asses of those least likely to support him-- unsuccessful crackers. Earth to McCain: it's the twenty-first century.

3. Pandering to the anti-choice crowd. In a second nod to the fundamentalists, McCain is brushing up his anti-abortion bona fides. Now, it's patently absurd to suggest that anyone out there is pro-abortion. No one wants more abortions. Democrats just want there to be less of a need for it by fighting poverty and supporting education. Pretty sensible, eh? More than 60% of Americans agree.

So in spite of the GOP's tanking numbers, McCain has decided that he needs to follow the lead of G-Dub, the man who thrashed him in 2000 by falsely accusing him of fathering a black child out of wedlock. But, in Bush fashion, be sure to watch him start talking like a progressive the closer election day gets. As for me, I've had it with the guy.

I suppose it's worth noting that Jimmy Carter misled, then betrayed, racist Georgians in his bid for the governorship. But that's when he was an unknown quantity. McCain is clearly doing a 180 on some serious issues.